TOXIC RELATIONSHIPS:
How to recognise and handle them

Emotional and Psychological Indicators of a Toxic Relationship:

• Walking on Eggshells: A constant state of hypervigilance where you monitor your words and actions to avoid triggering a partner’s anger or a volatile outburst.
• Emotional Rollercoaster: Cycles of intense affection ("love bombing") followed by sudden withdrawal, criticism, or hostility.
• Feeling Drained: Instead of providing energy, interactions leave you feeling emotionally, mentally, or physically exhausted.
• Lost Sense of Self: You may find yourself sacrificing personal hobbies, values, or opinions just to keep the peace, eventually losing sight of who you are.
• Persistent Anxiety: Feeling more anxious than secure, often dreading time spent with the partner rather than looking forward to it.

If you recognise yourself being constantly subjected to any of the above, you’re in a toxic relationship. Not necessarily only in a personal relationship, but within your circle of friends, family or at work.

Some people are just plain “nice” and have big open hearts, and sadly they might not see when they’re involved in toxic relationships. They make excuses for other people’s strange behaviour, reading it has they didn’t mean to act in a certain way or they excuse rudeness as someone having a bad day. They could even blame themselves for someone else’s harsh behaviour, taking responsibility for someone else’s cruel treatment!

Some women, for fear of being alone, tolerate the harsh behaviour. They actually disconnect from the mistreatment, disassociating from their feelings. This takes one out of touch with the physical body which can lead to all sorts of physical ailments (overeating or ignoring physical symptoms) as they numb themselves. Their sensitivity is dulled, and their intuition shuts down. However, as heaven’s messages come on the frequency of attunement of energy, they need to be in touch with their feelings in order for their intuitive side to engage effectively.

When it comes to earth angels especially who are used to living in the higher-vibrational realms, they don’t know any better than to stay in a toxic relationship as they haven’t had a lot of experience with human relationships. On earth, they are socially awkward and can suffer terrible loneliness. As a result, they may allow the harsh treatment towards themselves to persist. They’re teachers of peace and one of your “jobs” is teaching others a better way to behave, and in so doing prevent other people from being mistreated.

This can be a tough job for an earth angel!

As you’ve no doubt experienced at some point or another, when you first meet people they’re on their best behaviour. Unfortunately, it can take months before you see the real person, i.e. the toxic side of them. If you’re lucky, it may only take a few weeks. When entering into a relationship, it’s best to get to know them slowly before thinking of marriage or going into business with them.

Below is a list of some of the most common types of toxic relationship behaviours, and a suggestion on how to deal with them assertively that could be helpful and healthy for you and the other person. By no means is this article condoning toxic relationships, and where the relationship culminates into abuse or violence, it’s best to seek help and to step away completely. Your first priority is to take care of yourself and if any children are affected by the relationship.

This article isn’t about judging others, but rather about being aware of the dynamics within the toxic relationship.

Sometimes, culture and mannerisms play a role in causing harsh energies within a relationship where one party is quiet and gentle and the other is loud and rough, or one is spontaneous and the other prefers to be deeply organised. These differences can be negotiated if each party is prepared to compromise and have compassion for the other party.

Control, Dominance and Isolation:
One partner dictates daily choices, such as what to wear, who to see, or how to spend money. This can escalate to monitoring phone calls, messages, and physical locations.

Subtle or overt pressure to distance oneself from supportive friends and family members to increase dependence on the toxic partner.

Controlling individuals feel a desperate need to manage everything and everyone around them. When they lose that sense of authority, they often respond with immature outbursts, using anger, pouting, or shouting to force others into compliance. Their behavior makes them extremely difficult to be around, as they tend to treat people like subordinates rather than building genuine relationships based on love and mutual respect.

You’ll probably feel perpetually anxious around this person, particularly if they insist on you doing everything their way. Individuals who maintain unspoken expectations often react to perceived slights with direct or passive-aggressive punishment. When someone enforces hidden rules without clear communication, it creates an unpredictable environment. Such behaviors are often indicators of unhealthy or controlling dynamics that can negatively impact one's well-being and safety.

How to handle this?
Often, controlling behaviour stems from a deep fear of being abandoned; these individuals try to manage everyone around them just to feel secure in their own world. Overcoming these insecurities usually requires long-term professional therapy, so it’s unlikely you’ll be able to fix these issues on your own.

Because controlling people often view everyone else as the source of the problem, they rarely agree to the intensive therapy they actually need. If this person is a relative you must remain in contact with, it's best to avoid power struggles entirely.

Engaging in these battles is ultimately a no-win situation with no real point.

Being assertive means honouring your self-esteem by being honest and direct about your feelings. While you should speak your truth, don't expect it to change the other person's behaviour. It’s best to keep your interactions with controlling individuals brief and focus your energy on people who are kinder and easier to be around.

Manipulation and Gaslighting:
This is when drama, guilt or mind games are used to maintain power. Gaslighting involves making a partner doubt their own memory, perceptions or sanity by denying facts or trivializing feelings.

The Drama Queen or King

When it comes to the drama king or queen, you can spend hours on the phone, encouraging them and giving them support, however, they never take your advice. They appear to have one dramatic problem after another. They merely complain and take no steps to heal the situation.

These interactions leave you feeling drained of energy, time and patience. You may feel flattered in the beginning that this person is confiding in you, but as time goes on, you catch on that the sagas are never-ending, and then you start to avoid taking their calls.

How to handle this?
It’s best to confront the situation directly as avoiding calls is a passive way of handling this. The only way to deal with these situations is to tell them that you’re holding them in prayer and wish them well, that you have a lot of responsibilities that you must spend time on. Stick to your boundaries!

Guilt-Trippers

Guilt-trippers won’t take no for an answer and are professionals at getting their own way through manipulating other people. They use a practiced set of emotional tactics to manipulate others into giving them what they want. Whether through guilt-tripping, playing the victim, or making threats, they know exactly which buttons to push to get their way.

This leaves you feeling resentful or angry as you’re being pushed against your will, and you feel you have no choice but to comply with the guilt-tripper’s wishes. When you feel yourself pushed to help someone through guilt or implied obligation, this is a sign of manipulation.

How to handle this?
Face the situation directly and tell the guilt-tripper no. As they’re not accustomed to hearing this, it will be good for their spiritual growth to experience this. They will probably either find another victim to harass or will realise their methods are unhealthy or ineffective.

Constant Criticism and Belittling:
Persistent mocking, name-calling, or public humiliation designed to erode a partner's self-esteem.

Name-Callers

Name-callers use verbal abuse and profanity, often hiding behind the "it was just a joke" defence to blame others for being offended. While they frequently claim they are "just kidding" when challenged, they also hurl insults with genuine anger and aggression.

For those with sensitive and trusting natures, name-calling can leave deeper scars than physical violence. These verbal wounds often last a lifetime, leading to enduring low self-esteem or the use of addictions to mask the emotional pain.

How to handle this?
No matter the situation, verbal abuse is never okay. If a partner or friend lashes out once during a fight but truly apologizes and stops the behavior, the relationship can often recover. However, if it happens again, it's a pattern that shouldn't be ignored.
If the verbal abuse continues, you need to seek help and support from someone you trust (doctor, counsellor, support group). If the verbal abuser is a family member (parent or someone with whom you live), it’s imperative you seek help right away so that you don’t develop deep-seated emotional scars.

Lack of Support:
Achievements are treated as a competition rather than a cause for celebration. One partner may actively sabotage the other’s efforts toward personal growth or success.

One-sided relationships

In a one-sided relationship, the conversation is entirely about the other person. They rarely ask about you, and if you try to share anything about your own life, they quickly shut the conversation down or find a way to shift the focus back to themselves.

This leaves you feeling unimportant, as if you don’t matter. This relationship will leave you lonely and not good enough to warrant the other person’s attention or affection, that is, until you catch on to the fact that this person is totally self-absorbed.

How to handle this?
One-sided relationships can go one of two ways: In most situations, relationship growth is stymied as normally these people aren’t open to hearing any dialogue where they haven’t contributed;  or in a rare outcome, once you’ve had an assertive discussion with them where you’ve expressed your honest feelings how you value the relationship and how you’d like it to continue under the auspices of equal sharing and equal listening, they’ll take your suggestion and become more sensitive to your needs.

The importance here is that you approach the situation with honesty, even though you know that it may not change the other person.

Lack of Accountability:
The toxic partner refuses to take responsibility for their actions, frequently shifting blame onto others or "deflecting" to avoid repair.

Unreliability

Unreliable individuals often make promises they don't keep. Whether it's failing to show up for appointments, constantly running late, or neglecting their commitments, you simply can't depend on them to follow through on what they say.

When you struggle with low self-esteem, an unreliable relationship can make you feel unloved and worthless. You might wrongly blame yourself, believing that if you were somehow "better," the other person would finally start showing up for you and keeping their promises.

However, if you have high self-esteem, you soon realise that this is an unreliable person, that it’s not your fault, and this relationship makes you angry and prone to complain about an unreliable friend.

How to handle this?
Handle the situation directly by setting firm and clear boundaries. The next time you make arrangements, explain that your time is valuable and if they are not there within 15 minutes of the appointed time, you will need to leave. Boundary setting ahead of time will eradicate your feeling of being a victim.

Angerholics

"Angerholics" are essentially addicted to rage, blowing up over the smallest things and immediately venting their temper. These individuals have incredibly short fuses and may lash out emotionally, verbally, or physically. They always find an excuse for their outbursts and almost never take responsibility for their own behavior.

If you dislike conflict, you are sensitive to the energy of anger. You feel you need to walk on eggshells around people like this. You may actually try to do everything in your power to appease them, even taking the blame for their anger, especially if they make out it’s all your fault!

How to handle this?
"Angerholics" often grow up in dysfunctional environments and generally need professional help to break their cycle of rage. Because of this, your love and support alone won't be enough to fix their issues. They tend to find a reason to be angry at everything, so it’s important to let go of the idea that you can say or do just the right thing to finally make them happy and peaceful. Stop exhausting yourself by constantly trying to accommodate or please someone like this. Unless they are fully committed to intensive professional therapy, you may need to end the relationship or create significant distance to protect your own well-being.

Unhealthy Communication Patterns:
Characterized by criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling (refusing to engage or shutting down).

Barbed Tongue

A person with a barbed tongue uses subtle digs rather than direct insults. Their comments sting, but they’re often phrased in a way that makes it hard to call them out. They specialize in "backhanded compliments"—insults wrapped in a compliment—like saying, “That dress looks so much better on you now than the last time you wore it.”

These individuals are often driven by deep-seated jealousy and hostility, expressing their anger through classic passive-aggressive behavior. Rather than openly discussing old grievances to resolve them, they use backhanded compliments as a way to deliver hurtful "jabs" without being openly confrontational. This allows them to wound you under a mask of politeness, making it difficult to hold them accountable for their indirect attacks.

You might feel a literal sting of pain when they speak because you can sense their underlying hostility. It’s confusing because your brain tries to make sense of their words, but the math just doesn't add up. If you try to call them out, they’ll likely gaslight you by claiming they were "just joking" or telling you that you’re "too sensitive."

How to handle this?
If someone constantly stings you with backhanded compliments, you should seriously consider whether that relationship is worth keeping. Even if it's a close family member like a mother or sister who will always be in your life, you aren't obligated to spend significant time with them. You can maintain the connection while choosing to keep your distance.

Confident people address conflict head-on, sharing their feelings honestly without feeling guilty. For instance, you could say, “I don’t think you intended to hurt me, but your words were painful.” Alternatively, you can give an immediate, gut-level response like, “Ouch! That really stung.” If it's just a one-time misunderstanding, a quick talk can usually clear things up. However, if they consistently make these comments—or if they get defensive and dismiss your feelings when you speak up—it’s a sign that you may need to reconsider or end the relationship.

Interrupting

Frequent interrupters usually prioritize their own thoughts over yours. Driven by a desire to hear themselves speak, they often believe their contributions are the most valuable. This behaviour is frequently linked to high levels of nervous energy or the use of stimulants (caffeine or other), which can lead to impulsivity and hyperactivity.
Being with someone who constantly cuts you off forces you to speak at a frantic pace just to finish a thought. Eventually, even starting a conversation with them triggers a sense of dread and anxiety.

How to handle this?
The moment someone interrupts, stop them calmly by saying, "Excuse me, I wasn’t finished." Adding a light touch to their arm can make your point even more effective. By doing this, you aren't just standing up for yourself; you're helping them break a habit that likely sabotages their other relationships. You are essentially coaching them to be a more respectful communicator.

Abrasive Behaviour:
Common behaviours and examples: Publicly criticising someone’s work, micromanagement, using sarcasm as “hostile humour” and making jokes at others’ expense, giving unsolicited advice, or “one-upping” others’ stories; or underplaying a partner’s achievements or telling a grieving person to “toughen up”

Loudness

In every setting, you’ll find people who speak and laugh with excessive volume, naturally dominating the space. Even during private conversations, they tend to project details so loudly that they inadvertently broadcast the discussion to everyone nearby. This habit often stems from growing up in boisterous households where they had to be loud just to be heard or noticed.

For those with sound sensitivities, the sheer volume of this person’s voice can feel physically and energetically draining. In public settings, their booming presence and laughter often draw unwanted attention, leading to feelings of embarrassment. Ultimately, you may find yourself frustrated because you crave a more serene, soft-spoken dynamic that their constant volume prevents.

How to handle this?
Since loud individuals often lack self-awareness regarding their impact, a gentle reality check is necessary if you value the relationship. It requires a delicate balance: being direct enough to be heard, yet soft enough to protect their underlying insecurity. Approaching them with this truth not only addresses the social friction but might also encourage them to investigate potential hearing issues they hadn’t previously considered.

One Upmanship

Incessant “one-uppers” feel a constant need to outdo every experience you share with a more extravagant, self-centered version of their own. They rarely truly listen. Instead, they simply wait for a keyword that allows them to hijack the conversation with a superior story. This behaviour is typically fueled by deep-seated insecurity and a desperate craving for validation, leading them to overshadow others just to reclaim the spotlight.

You may feel unheard and unappreciated, and even disappointed as the other person doesn’t share your excitement regarding the experiences you’re sharing. As a result, you become tense and resentful.

How to handle this?
Often, people with a superiority complex are unaware that their behaviour is alienating; their constant need to impress usually stems from deep loneliness and a desire to be loved. Once you recognise this desperation for validation, you can approach them with compassionate assertiveness.

True assertiveness involves being honest about your own feelings without blaming them for your reactions – it’s their behaviour that serves as a trigger, not the person themselves. If you genuinely admire them, offer sincere praise, but avoid empty compliments, as insincere flattery is just a form of dishonest manipulation. Explain that you want to fully share and enjoy your own stories without the conversation immediately shifting back to them, using the analogy that a good conversation is like a fine meal – you want to savour every course one by one.

Nosiness / “Pot-stirring” / Gossiping

Busybodies thrive on inserting themselves into other people’s private affairs as a form of self-entertainment. By obsessing over intimate details and broadcasting them as gossip, they attempt to soothe their own deep-seated insecurities. These individuals, often called “pot-stirrers” may even deliberately manufacture conflict within their social circles just to watch the drama unfold. They frequently employ deceptive or manipulative tactics to trick you into revealing personal information, which they then immediately spread to others.

Unless you are deeply in tune with and trust your own intuition, this kind of dynamic can be incredibly disorienting. Those who are naturally compassionate, i.e. Earth Angels – may initially mistake invasive prying for genuine concern if they aren’t familiar with these boundary-crossing behaviors.

How to handle this?
Trust your intuition if you feel someone is mining your life for gossip rather than showing genuine care. Once you realise you’re being treated like a source of entertainment, it’s time to “stop feeding the shark” by withholding further personal details. The most effective response to intrusive questions is a simple, firm, “I’d rather not discuss this.” By consistently maintaining this boundary, you’ll likely find that the busybody moves on to a different subject, or ideally gains the self-awareness needed to change their hurtful habits.

Accusatory Tendencies

Accusatory people often project their own guilt onto others as a defence mechanism to avoid taking personal responsibility. Because they tend to jump to conclusions and resist logical reasoning, their unfounded blame-shifting often creates a cycle of constant drama and tension, making them emotionally draining to be around.

If you aren’t aware of an accuser’s tactics, you risk falling into their trap – internalising their blame and suffering from undeserved guilt. Once you recognise this pattern, however, you’ll see that you aren’t actually at fault. This realisation often brings up feelings of anger, hurt, or confusion, which can lead to a “blame war” – a destructive, unending cycle where both sides simply hurl accusations at one another.

How to handle this?
People who are perpetually combative tend to filter your words through their own distorted logic, often twisting what you say into something unrecognisable. Dealing with such an individual requires a balance. You must address the situation directly to prevent false claims from spreading through your personal or professional circles, yet you must also recognise that arguing with their twisted logic is ultimately futile. Instead of getting trapped in a cycle of constant defence and counter-accusation, state your position with firm, clear conviction. Keep the interaction brief and focused on the facts, avoiding personal attacks. In a professional context, if the claims are demonstrably false, it may be necessary to firmly point out that making inaccurate accusations can constitute illegal slander

Lack of Boundaries

Individuals who lack a sense of personal boundaries often disregard the physical and emotional space of others. Physically, this may show up as “borrowing” items without permission, frequently returning them damaged or failing to return them at all. Emotionally, they may overstep by imposing unsolicited advice, judgments, or criticisms, treating their opinions as more important than your own.

You may feel a lack of control when this person is around, or want to run away from them, or avoid them completely.

How to handle this?
Dealing with a chronic “boundary pusher” requires a transition from simply stating a “rule” (trying to control them) to establishing a true boundary (deciding what you will do):

• Physical Possessions: Instead of asking them to be more careful, state a clear limit: “I’m no longer comfortable lending out my [item] since it wasn’t returned in its original condition last time.”
• Unsolicited Advice: Interrupt the cycle of judgment by stating: “I’m not looking for advice or feedback on this right now; I just need to handle it my own way.”
• Consistency is Key: Boundary pushers often “test” you to see if you mean it. You may need to repeat your stance multiple times before they realise the dynamic has changed

The boundary-pusher’s behaviour was probably learned in childhood and it’s unlikely they will change much in adulthood. The best you can do is repeat yourself with regard to parameters and boundaries. Clearly outline which behaviour you will or won’t accept. This person will usually only take heed of repeated directness.

Rudeness

Inconsiderate individuals often struggle to remain present, frequently checking their phones, taking other calls, or scanning the room while you are speaking to them
These behaviours can feel like a profound lack of love or respect, causing significant emotional pain. You may find yourself fantasising about an exit or a dramatic confrontation as you realise you aren’t being prioritised.

How to handle this?
To protect your well-being, you can set boundaries and communicate your needs directly:

• Call it out gently: Mention that you’ve noticed the habitual distractions and explain how it impacts your connection.
• State your boundary: Let them know you’d prefer to set aside quality time without phones so you both can give the attention you deserve.
• Evaluate the effort: If they dismiss your concerns repeatedly, it may be time to consider if the relationship matches the effort you are putting in.

Correcting / Micromanaging

Correcting is an amplified version of interrupting. Those prone to this habit don’t just cut you off; they actively critique your delivery – pointing out grammatical slips or mispronunciations like a stern teacher – or hijack the topic to lecture you with additional facts.

While accuracy is valuable, constant correction is exhausting. It creates an uneven dynamic where you feel “one-down”, small, or unintelligent. For some, this behaviour is a misguided expression of love. They believe “improving” you is a form of help.
For others, it’s simply an unconscious, ingrained habit they aren’t aware of.

Feeling anxious around someone who constantly corrects or micromanages you is a natural reaction. You often find yourself walking on eggshells, perpetually tense and dreading the next minor slip-up. Living in this environment can severely damage your self-esteem, leading you to second-guess your own intelligence and surrender your sense of power. Over time, you may even start to believe their distorted narrative – that you simply cannot do anything right.

How to handle this?
To act with empowered compassion, you should address the situation directly by sharing your honest feelings. Providing candid feedback is actually an act of service that can help the corrector improve all their relationships; after all, if their habits frustrate you, they likely frustrate others as well. The next time a correction occurs, take a centering breath and say: “I sometimes feel like our dynamic is more like a teacher and student than two friends. While I value your knowledge, I’d really prefer for us to just share our thoughts and feelings together without the focus being on teaching or correcting me.”

Emotional or Psychological Manipulation, specifically Emotional Dependency:

Clingy Neediness

Clingy individuals are often defined by deep-seated insecurities that drive them to seek constant attention and validation from others as a primary source of emotional security. This behaviour frequently manifests as an overwhelming, “bottomless” need for connection that can be exhausting for those around them.

Core Traits of Clingy Behaviour
• Constant Digital Presence: They may text, call, or email incessantly, often expecting immediate replies regardless of your schedule.
• Physical Boundary Crossing: This can include popping over for unannounced visits or following you closely in social settings.
• Misperceived Intimacy: They often overestimate the depth of a relationship, viewing casual acquaintances as “best friends” or soulmates.
• Emotional Draining: Because they use others as an “emotional crutch”, spending time with them can leave you feeling mentally and physically depleted.

You may feel you need to look over your shoulder constantly in an effort to avoid them. You start to feel guilty as you know they enjoy your company.

How to handle this?
As an empowered and compassionate person, you must speak your truth with kindness. You’ll need the courage to clearly state that you are focused on your own priorities and require more personal space. While an insecure individual may feel hurt or take your distance personally, you cannot stall your own life to cater to their needs; in fact, maintaining a forced friendship only enables their unhealthy patterns. By being honest and stepping back, you actually create the space for them to find a more compatible connection with someone who might genuinely enjoy their company.

Victimhood/Martyrdom

Individuals with a martyr complex often operate through a lens of perpetual victimhood, viewing the world as a hostile place specifically designed to slight them. This mindset usually stems from a lifelong feeling of being singled out, leading to a deep-seated belief that they are uniquely targeted by both people and institutions.

Key Characteristics:
• Narrative Focus: They keep a meticulous mental tally of every perceived mistreatment and will recount these instances at length.
• Emotional State: They often project low energy or depressive traits, appearing emotionally exhausted by their “struggles”.
• Hidden Motives: Because they prioritise external validation over personal growth, they are rarely interested in practical solutions. Instead, they seek constant sympathy and an acknowledgment of their suffering.

Being around someone with a martyr complex is emotionally exhausting because their conversation stays rooted in their personal “abyss”. Initially, their stories of lifelong mistreatment might shock you, leaving you genuinely concerned for their well-being. However, over time, you realise their “streak of bad luck” is so constant and extreme that it defies logic. They are remarkably resistant to help. Every time you offer a practical solution, they immediately shut it down, explaining why it’s impossible or why they’ve already failed at it.

Ultimately, you discover that they aren’t looking for a ladder out of the hole – they just want you to sit in the dark with them.

How to handle this?
Because victim-martyrs typically cycle through a pattern of seeking rescuers only to eventually resent and attack them, it is vital to limit your emotional investment. Unlike genuine victims who are motivated to improve their circumstances, martyrs are primarily interested in the act of complaining.

To protect your boundaries, consider being direct and assertive. Offer sincere well-wishes or spiritual support – such as telling them they are in your prayers – but do not commit to specific actions they demand. Avoid letting them dictate how you should help. Clearly state that your guidance and decisions come from your own internal or spiritual source (such as Divine guidance) rather than their expectations. Release the guilt of “abandoning” them. These individuals are experts at finding new rescuers; if you refuse the role, they will quickly move on to someone else.

Grumpiness

Grumpy individuals often operate in a state of persistent irritability, frequently triggered by chronic physical discomfort, the fallout of substance abuse, or a tendency to project the blame for their unhappiness onto others. While often seen as a minor personality trait, extreme grumpiness can become a vehicle for abusive behavior toward others.

Being around a perpetual grumpy person is never fun, especially if you take it personally and end up blaming yourself. Should the person start with name-calling or verbal attacks, your self-esteem becomes wounded and depression is likely to set in.

How to handle this?
Regardless of the underlying cause for someone’s irritability, their mood does not grant them a license to cross your boundaries. Verbal abuse and unkindness are never justifiable, no matter the circumstances.

To handle these situations effectively communicate your boundaries with absolute clarity and permit no exceptions. Should the person persist in their behaviour, you must physically or emotionally distance yourself from the relationship. If you feel guilty for walking away, surrender those feelings to a higher power for healing and transformation.

Remember: You are not a sponge for someone else’s toxicity.

The Opportunist / Taking Advantage

When dealing with opportunists, it is essential to maintain high awareness of your finances and personal belongings. These individuals are habitually looking for ways to extract resources – whether it’s cash, free meals, gifts, or other favours, from those around them.

Spending time with an opportunist typically leaves you feeling bewildered, resentful, and emotionally depleted. These individuals are master manipulators who excel at creating a sense of obligation, making you feel responsible for footing the bill for their lives.

Even if you enter the interaction with a firm resolve to stand your ground, their tactics are so effective that you often find yourself falling into the same old patterns: Despite your best intentions, you find yourself reaching for your wallet before you’ve even realised it; or you may hear yourself offering help or financial support – almost as if on autopilot – despite having promised yourself you wouldn’t.

How to handle this?
While you could try various strategies to balance the scales in a one-sided relationship, it is more effective to view these situations as opportunities for personal growth through direct communication. Addressing the imbalance honestly is the only way to determine the true nature of the bond.

You could try and reset the dynamic by:
• Being Explicit: Schedule a specific time to talk and be transparent about your expectations. For example, suggest lunch and casually mention, “I’d love for you to treat me this time, since I’ve covered the last few rounds.”
• Break the Habit: Stop the automatic impulse to pay. When the bill arrives, let it sit on the table and wait for the other person to take initiative.
• Observe the Reaction: A genuine friend will understand and step up to maintain a fair give-and-take.

If the relationship dissolves simply because you stopped providing financial or material benefits, it confirms that the person was never truly your friend – they were merely a passenger. Don’t be afraid to let them go.

Perpetual Clowning / Joking

This individual uses humour as a defensive mechanism to avoid genuine connection, frequently cracking jokes instead of listening. They habitually derail serious conversations by often resorting to humour that is ill-timed or inappropriate to the gravity of the situation. Every attempt at a meaningful or serious discussion is redirected into a joke, preventing any real resolution or depth. Rather than processing what you say, they are mentally searching for the next punchline to keep the mood superficial.

You may have been initially attracted to this person’s sense of humour, but it’s become stale now. You might review them as immature and incapable of sharing serious discussions.

How to handle this?
Recognise that not everyone will share your depth or be a natural fit for your emotional needs. Break the cycle of superficiality by being direct. Use physical cues – like a gentle touch on the hand and steady eye contact – to signal a shift in tone. State your needs clearly by saying, “I really enjoy our playful side, but I’d love for us to cultivate a deeper, more serious connection as well.”

Many who hide behind humour were historically criticised for their behaviour.

Approaching them with curiosity rather than judgment may pleasantly surprise them, potentially opening the door to a more meaningful bond.

And a final few behaviours that are in categories all of their own:

Stalking

Stalking represents an extreme and potentially hazardous escalation of clingy or needy behaviour. This pattern most commonly involves a former partner who refuses to accept the end of a relationship, leading to persistent and unwanted contact.

Common Behaviour Patterns of Stalkers include:
• Privacy Invasions: They may appear unannounced at your workplace, your residence, or the homes of your friends.
• Constant Communication: This includes a barrage of phone calls and messages, often centered on begging for a reconciliation.
• The "Changed" Narrative: These pleas are frequently backed by claims that they have undergone a fundamental transformation to persuade you to return.
• Escalation Risk: If their demands are not met, the behaviour often shifts from desperation to overt threats or abusive conduct.

Note: Because this dynamic can move from harassment to physical danger, it is vital to recognise these signs early and prioritise your safety over any perceived obligation to “help” the individual.

While some might mistakenly view a stalker’s fixation as a form of flattery or a boost to their self-esteem, it is crucial to recognise that stalking is not an expression of love. Instead, it is an attempt to exert ownership and control – the fundamental opposite of a healthy, loving connection. Stalkers often use guilt as a weapon, claiming their life is ruined or threatening self-harm to coerce you into returning. This can leave you feeling trapped by worry and deep-seated anxiety. The constant pressure and invasion of privacy frequently result in chronic stress and sleepless nights. In many cases, the situation becomes so severe that formal legal intervention, such as a restraining order, becomes the only way to establish a necessary safety barrier.

How to handle this?
The most effective way to handle a stalker is to deny them the attention they crave. Any response, even a negative one, is viewed as a victory and encourages them to persist. To reclaim your peace and safety, you must implement a policy of absolute zero contact.

Block the individual’s number immediately; if they find workarounds, change your phone number entirely. Extend this block to all email accounts and social media platforms. Do not reply to messages, answer calls, or acknowledge their presence. Complete silence is your strongest defence. Take every threat seriously. If there is any history of aggression or if you feel unsafe, contact the authorities and file for a restraining order without delay.

Call upon a higher power – such as Archangel Michael – to help remove this person from your life permanently. Use this experience to vow that you will walk away at the first sign of extreme jealousy or controlling behaviour in any future relationship.

Substance Abuse

This individual experiences a persistent dependence on mood-altering substances, ranging from alcohol and prescription or illicit drugs to socially normalized stimulants like caffeine, nicotine, sugar, or chocolate. Their personality is significantly impacted by the cycle of use and withdrawal, leading to noticeable shifts in behavior.

Co-dependency refers to the specific dynamic that often develops when someone is in a relationship with a person struggling with addiction. This cycle is characterised by a shared narrative of blame: the addict often projects responsibility for their substance use on to their partner, and the codependent person internalises that guilt, believing they are the cause of the problem.

Those in these roles often carry heavy weights of anxiety, shame, and remorse, feeling personally responsible for their partner’s choices. To suppress their own emotional pain, co-dependent individuals may develop their own compulsive habits, frequently turning to “comfort foods” like sugar or processed carbohydrates to numb their feelings. While there is often a strong desire to leave the relationship, it is frequently paralysed by fear and guilt. Without deep self-reflection and an understanding of why they are drawn to these dynamics, individuals often exit one addictive relationship only to find themselves in a nearly identical one shortly after.

How to handle this?
If you have ever been impacted by a relationship with an addict, whether you are currently dealing with someone’s active substance abuse or still carrying the emotional scars of a past experience, it is essential to seek external support. Navigating these dynamics alone can be overwhelming, but there are dedicated communities designed to help you regain your strength and perspective.

These groups aren’t about “fixing” the addict; they are about helping YOU find sanity, set healthy boundaries, and heal from the effects of another person’s addiction.

Betrayal

A betrayer shatters both your emotional security and your confidence in the relationship by engaging in deceptive or harmful actions. This breach of trust often manifests through infidelity, inappropriate flirting, or a pattern of dishonesty and remarkably poor decision-making.

The shock of betrayal can feel like a traumatic rupture, overturning your sense of security. You may find yourself re-evaluating past events, wondering what was genuine and what was fabricated. It is common to second-guess your judgment, asking yourself how you could have missed the signs or why you trusted the person in the first place.

How to handle this?
For many, betrayal represents a fundamental “deal-breaker.” However, if a breach occurs once and you believe the connection is worth saving, the healing process can actually lead to a deeper bond – provided both parties are willing to honestly analyse the underlying causes.

Communicate directly and assertively, making it clear exactly how much pain their actions caused. Establish that this behaviour was a violation you will not tolerate a second time. Remind yourself that you deserve to be with someone who honours their commitments.

Remember, healthy partners choose to do the right thing not just for you, but because their own self-esteem dictates that acting with integrity is essential to their own well-being.

While the above are suggestions on how to handle various situations, there may be many more ways of responding instead. Also, dependent upon your own experiences, and whether you’re triggered now, you may find yourself not wanting to engage at all with someone who treats you with disrespect. Be discerning.

Recognise how your body reacts in certain circumstances. It’s a true reflection for you to either follow through with the interaction or whether to close it down.