When things go wrong ...

The past few weeks were really rough. Everything that could possibly go wrong, went wrong. You know that feeling where you ask yourself: What did I do so wrong to deserve this? Then you change the question to: What else is going to go wrong? And then to: WTF? Enough!

Eventually I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. The tears didn’t want to come, but I felt like whining. I sat on the couch and did just that, telling my beautiful cat, Red, that I was feeling sorry for myself, but I couldn’t cry so I was going to whine instead. Then he bit me! Almost gave me something to cry about!

I know many people who are going through rough times and it’s easy for someone else to say, “Keep your chin up! Look on the positive side, it could’ve been much worse, blah blah!” But it isn’t easy to remain positive all the time – without sounding like a phoney!

It’s easier to vent and rage and curse everything first! And on other occasions it’s easier to drift away into a tunnel of nothingness and not face anything for a while. Ultimately it would be better to be free of anxiety and worry, than battle against the struggles that sneak in.

Lately I have been longing for the feeling of safety and security, with supportive arms around me assuring me that everything will be okay, that I’m loved, appreciated, and not being taken advantage of, used or abused.

And sometimes one just wants to give up … Life feels empty and there’s a dull ache you can’t explain.

Every single one of us has experienced moments when things have gone wrong. It’s just the way life is, however, it’s what we do or how we handle things in those moments that matters. It doesn’t matter how small or how big anyone’s experience is, we all have a tolerance level. Sometimes it’s the little things that add up over time. It’s not just one thing that goes wrong, but one thing after another which trigger the negative reactions.

While searching for the article for this month’s newsletter, I had something else in mind. And then life handed me lemons and a few clients shared their troubles and struggles with me the same week, which prompted me to share my thoughts on this subject. At first I vented, as I shared above, then after a day or so of asking questions, the processing changed a little and I asked instead what it is that I need to learn from this experience and if there’s anything I can do to turn things around. Once I’d reached this point, I felt the urge to be quiet and wait. Plus, I was just too emotionally exhausted.

I’d like to share my experience with you in the event it can be of some help, especially when one’s mind is full and you feel incapable of dealing with a complex situation.

We like to be in control of our lives and when things go wrong, our expectations are dashed, and first thoughts tend to lead one into victimhood. We panic. Our thoughts tend to become riddled with fear.

The first thing we can do is when asking the universe, is change the phrase from “Why Me” to: “What is this meant to show me?”  or “Where is my empowerment in this?” By doing so, we shift the perspective from weak to personal empowerment instead. The universe always agrees with one, so forget about the option to ask it, “What’s going to happen next?” or “Things always happen in 3s,” as that’s exactly what you’ll invite in … more of the same!

Some things are beyond our control and that’s when our response is important.
And then … in the midst of your dilemma, practice gratitude. Not gratitude for the mishap or incident, but during the course of your struggle. Focus on things that are going right … your warm bed, food on the table, your kids, anything that you love about your life. Yes, it’s difficult to practice gratitude when you’ve been dealt a blow.
Force yourself, if need be. Start with just one thing in the morning. You may find that the list grows every day. If you find it difficult to think gratitude thoughts, then say them out LOUD. It really helps. There is always something to be grateful for, no matter how small.

Stop blaming yourself or anyone else for whatever is going wrong. Process the fact that things are going or went wrong, that the universe has your back, and that in time you will get through this and things will be revealed to you. Bring back Trust into your life. Breathe.

If you feel yourself failing to hold it together after a couple of days, allow yourself to vent again. This time you’ll notice there’s a change in the way you articulate things as a certain amount of processing will have taken place. Then pray and ask the universe to show you what you can do or to give you some advice. Breathe. Wait. Trust.

Allow the process of letting go instead of holding on to blame.

Don’t give in to your fears and anxiety. Fears are normally present when one thinks or projects too far into the future, when we ask ourselves, “What if …?” We tend to lean towards the worst case scenario, instead of leaning towards, “What is the lesson in this, or how can this affect my life positively?” Focus on staying in the present day each time your thoughts lean towards fear and anxiety. Worrying is a waste of emotion and time as it gets one nowhere; it merely produces sleepless nights and restlessness.

Don’t compare your struggles to anyone else’s. Everyone’s struggle is “important” (for want of a better word) to them. You may tell yourself that you don’t have anything to complain about because someone else’s struggle is bigger or worse than yours. The reality is you still have difficult days where you’re juggling a myriad of things, where you’re dealing with emotions and physical symptoms and everyone else wanting attention, especially from family or in the workplace, and you put pressure on yourself to fulfil all this and still act normal!

You’re allowed to experience the feelings and struggles associated with your current life circumstances even if someone else is going through something much more tragic.

Take the time too to stop focusing on things that aren’t priorities. It’ll help you from becoming overwhelmed. Do what you can, ask for help, or delegate. Leave things for another day if you don’t need to give it attention immediately.

Lastly, never give up. Try one more thing – it may be the solution you’re looking for.
There is always hope. Hope is the thing that brings in trust. Remember that things can change within a few seconds. Life has an uncanny way of turning around. If you have a good friend who gives solid advice, or a willing ear (not the type that scolds you), even better.

You may not like everything that comes your way in life, and sometimes there are inexplicable things that happen. Other times, these incidences bring about revelation in situations, and even closure.

Hope for change, hope for better, hope for strength, love, caring, and anticipate always that something is coming your way, much much better than you could ever imagine.

I’ve personally found that when I’m quiet, I hear the promptings from the universe more than when things are chaotic and noisy. Somehow things gain clarity and then that’s when I make a move or a decision.

While I was still doing research for this article, I stepped out of my comfort zone and made a decision to follow through with something that I had been procrastinating on for the past few months. I felt lighter in spirit once I made this decision, although things still continued to break around me! Something inside of me has changed where I feel more positive and I’m filled with anticipation. It’s as though I’ve turned a corner (emotionally and spiritually) and pushed through a difficult phase. I’m capturing this positive emotion in my heart chakra as I know it will invite more positive circumstances into my life. I feel good, even in the midst of dilemma. To confirm it all, the following clip came up on my social media feed last night:

“When a problem comes up, the best thing we can say is: All is well, everything is working out for my highest good, and out of this situation, this so-called problem, only good will come, and I am safe.” ~ Louise Hay ~

Louise Hay teaches that when problems arise, the most important shift is internal.

We may not be able to control the chaos of the world or large events beyond our reach, but we always have influence over how we respond to our own challenges. Repeating calming affirmations like all is well and trusting that things are unfolding for your highest good helps slow the mind and interrupt fear-driven thinking. This mental pause creates emotional safety, reduces anxiety, and allows clearer solutions to emerge naturally. Instead of fighting the problem, you soften into trust, reminding yourself that even difficult situations can lead to growth, clarity, and positive outcomes. In that quieted state, you stop reacting and start allowing answers to surface, often in ways you could not force through stress or panic.

A few days after completing this article, I had an unexpected visit to the chiropractor as I twisted my body incorrectly while trying to open the roll up garage door which had become stuck. After aligning my spine and hips and neck (everything was basically out of alignment), he tested my jaw and used an Activator Adjusting Instrument which is a spring-loaded handheld device (like a metal pen) that delivers a quick, precise, low-force impulse to a specific area, in this case my left upper jaw. I asked him why he had used this pen in this exact area as twice recently I had developed a precise red line (painful and inflamed) from my temple to beneath my chin on the left side of my face. The first time I was away on a few days leave, and the second time I was in the office going through a really stressful day. The chiro explained that the pen was to give a gentle adjustment to my left jaw which was tense. But the interesting part is when he explained the red line along my face.

A vein runs in that area from the temple to the bottom of the face, and for it to become inflamed like that, meant that either I had experienced a traumatic incident or it was from a build-up of accumulated incidences which caused stress. The vein became inflamed as it was agitated for whatever reason, but it could be a pre-cursor to an auto-immune disease.

This particular chiro has extensive knowledge of neurological issues, hence his expertise in this field. He suggested that in cases of high stress levels, it’s beneficial to increase the gap between the incident and a reaction. That brings the levels of stress down. However, it’s easier said than done. And normally more manageable when one feels “safe”. If you’re constantly going into stress mode based on your personal past experiences, then the gap would need to be learnt. In other words, reconditioning or rewiring one’s way of thinking (reactions / responses).
In a way, the explanation above is parallel to Louise Hay’s advice.

Since the chiro’s visit last week, I’ve been presented with many instances where I could have reacted instantly when triggered. Instead, I’m now noticing what my personal triggers are and taking a step back. I’ve been reminded to also rest more, not to feel guilty for not always accepting each invitation or having to deal with clients 24/7. I need to take more care of me. And I need to continue to do this until I reach my “safety zone” where I feel comfortable and safe enough to let go. It’s always a process … even at this age. And it’s also a challenge and one that needs my attention and nurturing.

It also has to do with no longer:
Over-thinking every move
Constantly trying to figure it all out before I start
Spinning, over-analyzing, or being anxious …

And while I’m doing the above, nothing actually moves forward in life.